When the new stepfamily is formed, those members don't have a shared history or traditional way of doing things. Each person may have very different beliefs as a matter of fact. In addition, the newly married parents may not have had much time to adjust to their own new relationship. The children of stepfamilies are facing probable feelings of loss, anger, jealousy, guilt, and certain confusion over how to handle the complicated adjustments that are needed.

So, what are some concrete steps we can take to start this new family growing in the direction of making it's own traditions at the same time it is adjusting to the newness? In order for the members of this family to build bonds, or grow strong roots, the following actions will be the fertilizer that works on that growth:

• acknowledging and mourning the kids' losses
• developing new skills in making decisions as a family
• fostering and strengthening new relationships between parents, stepparent/stepchild, and stepsiblings
• supporting one another
• maintaining and nurturing original parent-child relationships

• Always remember that each ingredient does not have an immediate effect. Have patience, this takes time!