Consistency and understanding......that is what you need to be a successful parent.  Over, and over, and over again!  That is what works for stepchildren as well as your biological children.  Treating everyone the same with the same age-appropriate rules will win you respect in the end.  Just know that the end could be five years out.

The way my youngest stepson finally came to love and respect me as his stepmother, was through all of the "trying" experiences we had.

One of the first times my stepson tested my word and consistency was over catching the school bus.  Nick was NOT a morning person and that made getting up in time for high school in the morning a problem.  Myself having lunches to pack, and two other kids who were already responsible for getting themselves up, Nick was fully aware of my expectations.  When he missed the bus the first time, I informed him that I would drive him to school that one time, and one time only!

Just a couple of weeks later on another early school morning, I could tell Nick was going to miss the bus if he didn't move a lot faster and told him so.  I left it at that and went about my business.  Sure enough, Nick came to me with a sorrowful look on his face saying that he had missed the bus.  I said, "You had better get your rollerblades on then or you will also be late for class!"  Nick was incredulous and asked if I was sure I could not take him to school.   I told him that he got his one and only ride the first time he missed the bus so he better get a move on.  His next excuse was that he was going to be all sweaty if he had to blade all the way to school (about 4 miles), and I told him to take an extra shirt.  When next I saw him, he was sitting on the curb in front of our house lacing his skates up, shirt off, back pack at the ready and I watched him skate off down the road with a smile on my face.