A blur of fur and fury is all that I saw and I couldn't help but wonder, "Can dogs be bipolar?"

Not that I am in the habit of making light of serious medical conditions, but bipolar is characterized not as a single disorder but an entire category of mood disorders. Anyone who has ever been owned by a cat could tell you that this is the very definition of a feline.

However, I had always thought of loyal Fido as being slightly more stable. That is until last month.

Succumbing to the mind-numbing pressure of parental guilt, I opened my house and heart to the sweetest set of brown eyes you ever saw. Two-years old and of mostly Labrador retriever heritage, Biscuit spends the majority of her day camouflaged as a speed bump. Her pale fur blends nicely with ourcarpet - a real plus for the maid. Yes, that means Mom.

Now there were no big surprises as our new pup negotiated territory and her place in the pecking order against the stone-cold killer cat that also shares our domicile. A quick study, Biscuit is wary of those well-armed swipes of pure evil.

In true testament to her manic species, Milkshake can purr contentedly, bat her bedroom eyes, and draw blood - all at the same time. Worse, like a spider, she'll draw in unsuspecting victims with a simpering little meow and friendly cocked head...right before pouncing.

I've considered posting one of those signs at my door that reads, "Warning Attack Cat on Premises."

It's probably no wonder that I prefer to play with my daughter's Webkinz kitten. Fast becoming my number one guilty pleasure, these fuzzy stuffed toys are your ticket inside a magical world of internet games, chat rooms, and dress-ups. An award-winning computer program for children, I must confess its appeal works on big kids too.

My princess has amassed a collection of four pets; my son lags behind with only three. Each child has built their own cyberspace house, furnished with toys, appliances, clothing, food, even windows and gardens - all selected and purchased with points acquired by playing on-line games. I remind myself that my little darlings are learning valuable skills like budgeting, math, and reading. But of course, as a fellow addict - I know it's all about having fun.

If only bathing, feeding, and exercising my real pets were so easy. And don't even get me started on vet visits!

Luckily Biscuit arrived with a clean bill of health, though her behavior of late has left me thumbing the yellow pages for a doggy shrink.

An absolute angel while houseguests are seated, Biscuit's latent herding instinct kicks in as soon as anyone walks or stands. Forgetting all her good hostess manners, she'll growl, pace, and even on occasion nip at the offending ‘wolf.'

Though after years of sustained chronic fear of our predatory cat, most of my guests are fairly nonplussed to find I've also adopted a bipolar dog.

Maybe I should rethink that entrance warning sign, remove my Welcome wreath, and look to Dante for inspiration: "All hope abandon, ye who enter here."

Laura Douglass writes for the Seven Lakes Times where this column originally appeared.