Blog entries tagged 'humor'

Crash Test Dolls

Dan Askins

e at a campsite on High Rock Lake. She is not the steadiest thing on two wheels, but seemed to be OK as I rode just ahead of her. As we started down a little hill that she had already travelled many times before, she all of a sudden lost control, of her mind, and splayed out on the asphalt, bruised and bewildered. It was nothing too serious, so I got her back on the bike and we rode back to our campsite to lick our wounds. The very next day, at 8 AM on Sunday morning, I was preparing breakfast, [...]

4AM Wake Up Call Is For The Birds (And For Moms Trying To Get Fit)

beagill

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So the alarm is set for 4 AM, so I can get a few household tasks done, fix breakfast and pack lunches for the day and head down to The Body Shop, the gym I belong to. Thank goodness for The Body Shop. I hate sweating, hate working out my muscles, hate getting out of breath. But at least there I get to do all those things without focusing on them. I can take a class full of other moms who hated getting up as early as me ( [...]

How To Sell Your House

Dan Askins

39;s house. It's sort of that feeling you get when you walk in on your parents. Even though the house met my clents' basic criteria, they took it off the list, because they couldn't see past the Barbie display. You might think my buyers were immature, but you must understand that they are in control of whether they buy your house, not you. Sometimes buyers make big decisions using little details to guide them. While you might love your Barbie collection, others probably don't, so [...]

Shaving Legs & Other Re-deployment Rituals

Rollie

ng. You see, military spouses work incredibly hard to create the illusion of having everything under control while their husbands are away. I'm not saying we don't have it all together but we do run things a little bit differently when our men are across the ocean.

If fact, I think I run a pretty tight ship when he's gone. The bills get paid, the kids are fed and the house is still standing when he returns. In my book that is success. Granted we eat a lot more Mac-n-cheese whe [...]

The Christmas Burglar?!

Dan Askins

The other night, about 1:30 AM, I heard a loud crash and breaking glass. I jumped up, ran into the hallway and yelled out in my deepest, baddest voice, "WHO'S THERE!!". I was also carrying my weapon with me. I looked down, and I was holding onto my pillow in a very menacing way. I hate it for the fool who dares endure the wrath of the pillow. Turns out my Christmas tree had fallen over, and a few of the ornaments broke in the process, but I now know what I would do in a fight. : [...]

Why I Love Moore County

Dan Askins

rder my latte and a bagel at Panera with ease. I don't even drink tea that much anymore (except at Eva's Diner and Eastwood Diner).

Yes the Yanks have imported some nice things. And they have left a lot of the not-so-nice things behind, for the most part. Traffic, bad attitudes, cold weather, high taxes. North Carolina rests about halfway between New York and Florida. In fact, South of the Border is almost exactly halfway between Palm Beach and Long Island. Perhaps there is more t [...]