Blog entries tagged 'A Little Humor'

The Carthode Hearth

Laura Douglass

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While I've been known to play the occasional sport, being forced to sit still and watch televised play requires serious bribery or at the very least, heavy sedation. Tailgating, I'm there; Super Bowl parties, count me in; actually watching a game, ain't gonna do it. No big surprise that I stick to chick fare and spend my evenings bonding with the Duggar, Gosselin, and Roloff families. Yeah, you ladies know who I'm talking about...but let me help out the men: that means I wa [...]

Life without hype?

Laura Douglass

is the world's favorite airline?

What if I can't get no satisfaction because I don't deserve a break today or can't have it my way at Burger King? What if my soup isn't Mmm Mmm good? And if I don't know how to cook, can I still trust Crisco?

I don't know about you, but the overplayed rock anthems and the crush of promotional overkill makes me a bit nostalgic for those illiterate Dark Ages. You know when homeless minstrels entertained with poetry and histo [...]

Blow ye fair winds

Laura Douglass

: hence, why you, dear reader, will find me living happily here in the drought-ridden and abundantly warm Sandhills. What's not to like?

For the sake of my kids, I admit I pretend to enjoy water sports. You know, throw on a swimsuit, grab some shades, and try to look casual on the boat. It's a sham. I'm actually white-knuckling the seat, completely absorbed as I focus on the horizon, trying not to notice the bobbing...up and down, up and down. Ugh.

And don't even get [...]

Baby Picture Overload!

Laura Douglass

imself from flashbulbs with his baby blanket before diving into a waiting limo - or minivan as the case may be. Another hapless victim of modern conveyance and convenience.

Yes, I blame technology.

Once upon a long lost time, say about ten years ago, film was an expensive, precious, and finite resource. For most events, you had twenty-four shots or less to get your picture right: a bar set way too high to assure success. Trust me, with a shelf full of family albums featuring timeless [...]

Crash Test Dolls

Dan Askins

e at a campsite on High Rock Lake. She is not the steadiest thing on two wheels, but seemed to be OK as I rode just ahead of her. As we started down a little hill that she had already travelled many times before, she all of a sudden lost control, of her mind, and splayed out on the asphalt, bruised and bewildered. It was nothing too serious, so I got her back on the bike and we rode back to our campsite to lick our wounds. The very next day, at 8 AM on Sunday morning, I was preparing breakfast, [...]

Road Trippin' with Kids

Laura Douglass

me kicking each other for entertainment.

9:40 am: Hoping a sugar rush will alleviate my headache, I hand out bowls of dry breakfast cereal.

9:41 am: A sweetened honey puff is launched past my head.

9:41:0004 am: Threatening to return home, I suggest an alternative vacation plan of spending the week cleaning up bedrooms.

9:42 am: Peace prevails for ten sacred minutes.

9:52 am: One hour, mark.

9:54 am: "Are we there yet? How much longer?"

9:55 am [...]

School's Out!

Laura Douglass

lots of turns, twists, and Twinkies - I went from the surreal life to real life in my thirties, and now sit on the threshold of the big 4-0. Perhaps it's because Darling Hubby and I stretched that youthful glow out to ridiculous lengths, like a dwindling string of Silly Putty, that we now take such joy in reliving all the pleasures of childhood with our brood: especially the school countdown.

Not that those hardworking teachers weren't feeding that frenzy each day by X'ing off [...]

Just how much is a tooth worth, anyhow?

Laura Douglass

e lunchbox- carrying, Ugh - I'm going to make her a feminist if it kills me - daughter.

For a chick who spends three mornings a week beating the stuffing out of punching bags and passionately enjoys throwing back a well-crafted brew, I know that someone up there must have had a great sense of humor when they sent me down this little angel to raise.

We're like a cartoon team, Tough and Fluff.

With seventeen months more experience at life [...]

Biscuit, such a tranquil name

Laura Douglass

carpet - a real plus for the maid. Yes, that means Mom.

Now there were no big surprises as our new pup negotiated territory and her place in the pecking order against the stone-cold killer cat that also shares our domicile. A quick study, Biscuit is wary of those well-armed swipes of pure evil.

In true testament to her manic species, Milkshake can purr contentedly, bat her bedroom eyes, and draw blood - all at the same time. Worse, like a spider, she'll draw in unsuspecting vict [...]

Sleep is Overated!

Rollie

o manage and that I would finally get the well deserved rest I needed. But once again, I was wrong. It seems that as they get bigger so do all the things I have to do, from homework to laundry to extra-curricular activities. Now, I find that from the time my feet hit the floor at 6:30 am (Okay 6:45 because I hit the snooze), I'm running around like a mad woman until I crawl back in bed each night close to mid-night. So much for getting my recommended 8 hours of sleep! And unlike the good ole [...]

People To Meet in Moore County

Dan Askins

poverty. We met through the Moore County Leadership Institute (MCLI) when he was a banker with First Bank. Charlie is one of those guys that you want to have around if you're ever in a burning building. He's not particularly assertive or physically imposing, but if he said, "Follow me," you would. He has such a quiet strength and calm demeanor. Both traits are polar opposites of myself, which is probably why I like him. Charlie has always been the guy I go to for business advic [...]

Year without Guilt

Rollie

mom who was slightly overweight, frazzled and usually sleep deprived. What I soon realized was that I was a "normal" mom and the "perfect" mom for my family with all of my quirks and flaws.

As a result of this new found realization, I gave up reading parenting books and comparing myself to other moms. I stopped trying to find ways to be the "best" and accepted "good enough". What I have learned is that even those "perfect" moms have their [...]

Shaving Legs & Other Re-deployment Rituals

Rollie

ng. You see, military spouses work incredibly hard to create the illusion of having everything under control while their husbands are away. I'm not saying we don't have it all together but we do run things a little bit differently when our men are across the ocean.

If fact, I think I run a pretty tight ship when he's gone. The bills get paid, the kids are fed and the house is still standing when he returns. In my book that is success. Granted we eat a lot more Mac-n-cheese whe [...]

Christmas innocence, tinsel & lingerie

Laura Douglass

icked side and I couldn't resist asking if she thought we should send out a similar card.

"Oh no, Mommy, you can't do that! She's showing her belly button," protested my wise little angel.

Ah, the blessing of celebrating another December in the company of such innocence. There is simply no substitute for kids when sharing the joys of tree-trimming, present wrapping, or better yet unwrapping, and all the other little pieces and parts that makes each Christmas sea [...]

The Christmas Burglar?!

Dan Askins

The other night, about 1:30 AM, I heard a loud crash and breaking glass. I jumped up, ran into the hallway and yelled out in my deepest, baddest voice, "WHO'S THERE!!". I was also carrying my weapon with me. I looked down, and I was holding onto my pillow in a very menacing way. I hate it for the fool who dares endure the wrath of the pillow. Turns out my Christmas tree had fallen over, and a few of the ornaments broke in the process, but I now know what I would do in a fight. : [...]

Perils of getting away for a week

Laura Douglass

;s not like we're fleeing a hurricane and have to pack up our most precious belongings for a trip of indeterminate length. I mean really, I'm leaving the comfort of home for the comfort of a Disney hotel room: not exactly roughing it!

Though I guess in everything, one can always look back on this trip or that one when a little better planning could've saved the day.

Darling hubby and I had our own Donner Party-vacation moment during our honeymoon. While planning this roma [...]

Balloons, Candles & Slot Cars!

Laura Douglass

says birthday like a massive fire engine terrifying the neighbors and crushing your landscaped driveway plantings.

As my children have reached each successive milestone, I have attempted to provide equally amazing thrills and chills. We've rescued stuffed animals from peril in the yard, blown up mountainous bouquets of pink balloons, and laid acres of train track throughout the house.

In my defense, I do eschew the glitzy store-bought cakes in favor of much simpler Mommy-made far [...]

Halloween and Power Tools

Rollie

re. So after cleaning out the pumpkins and making a mess of guts and seeds all over the garage, they bailed on me to go ride their scooters.

My sister and I were left with four pumpkins to carve. We decided to start on the largest two which turned out be too thick for our store bought carving tools. After a little cursing (on my part) and elbow grease, we finished them without any kids in sight to marvel at our beautiful creations. At this point [...]

Feeling the powerful pull of the pigskin

Laura Douglass

y of their games. But I did read all about it.

Here in the Douglass encampment I have been following any and all news of Brian Leonard: the youthful running back for the St. Louis Rams. Leonard hails from the same thriving upstate New York metropolis, Gouverneur, population 7,000 [not including cows], that my darling hubby calls home.

Along with the denizens of this tiny slice of American dairy land, we have cheered Leonard's every success: in high school, college, and now the NF [...]

Cooking with gas - Glad it's a guy thing

Laura Douglass

tives saturate stacked charcoal briquettes with enough lighter fluid to send flames shooting skyward like fireworks, blackening the leafy canopy of less fortunately positioned trees. Or maybe it's because despite the many safety features installed on our own silver monster, my dear husband still managed to singe our son's eyebrows off one day as our erstwhile tot stood to close while Daddy used the self-ignite button.

No doubt about it, grilling falls within the masculine sphere of [...]