I went to the Friday night speaking engagement and I really enjoyed hearing Mr. Rosemond. I found it really refreshing to hear someone say that I did not have to be so involved in my child's life in order to be a good parent and to set a good example for my daughters. I often get caught in the trap of feeling guilty all the time because I work and go to school and I do not volunteer at my daughter's schools like many other parents do. I try to know what is going on in their lives, but I am invariably shown up by many stay-at-home moms. Don't get me wrong, I am all for being a stay-at-home mom. I try not particpate in the "mommy wars". It was refreshing to hear Mr. Rosemond tell us that we do not have to be so much of a part of our children's lives and that it is time for us to make them accountable for their own actions. I love my children and I love spending time with them, but I also love my own life with personal interests, job and school and I feel like we need to remember that they are not everything we live for. I think if we treat them as if they are everything we live for, we put an undue amount of pressure on them and make our own happiness their responsibility. What I am saying might sound like sacriledge to many moms, but I actually enjoy working part of the day without my kids being there and talking about adult things and stimulating my mind. For me, it keeps me sane and recharged and better equipped to deal with my husband and children.
I especially liked what he said about the husband and wife relationship and how that should be the highest priority and that the children should respect that. I remember as a child knowing that my parents had a life other than me. They generally left me responsible for many things on my own. I would spend whole days in the yard until dinnertime, and like Mr. Rosemond said, we weren't allowed back in until then unless we broke a bone or were sick. I think that many kids today don't have that kind of personal freedom because they are so sheltered and worried over and expected to achieve academically at astronomical rates. It was also wonderful to hear that parenting should be a joint venture and that the responsibility is not all ours. I usually bear most of the responsibility for parenting decisions and action because it seems like that is what is expected of us.
I know that the world is a different place than what we or our parents grew up in, and I think that we really can't let our children have as much time outside alone or trust them to ride their bikes too far without keeping an eye on them. But I think we can let them be responsible for their actions and let them make decisions.
So, starting today, I am going to relax. I am not going to worry about whether or not my kids are doing enough afterschool activities. I am going to stop freaking out about whether or not my children are the smartest they can be, and if I should hire a tutor so they can get ahead, or feel less than because someone else's kids are reading at a higher level than my child, or worry because India just did not like chess. These might not be things that some of you moms worry about, but these are things that I have worried about incessantly. I am not going to feel guilty and I am going to start paying more attention to my husband. :))
My husband came with me to hear Mr. Rosemond and he really enjoyed what he said also. We went out to dinner afterwards and talked for a while about things we needed to change and how we don't really spend enough time on us like we should.
Thank you John Rosemond for the fresh advice and a point of view shift that I think many of us desperately needed.
