In previous entries, I have talked about my favorite places to eat breakfast and lunch. This is the third part of the trilogy. Now it's dinnertime. To be fair to the restaurants, I am going to split them up between those that are kid-friendly or at least kid-neutral and those that are best for a date with your spouse.

Kid Friendly

Chik-Fil-A. I know in the past that I have said I don't like to go to chain restaurants, but this is an exception to that rule. My girls, and my wife, love to "eet mor chikin." The atmosphere is clean, the servers are all very nice and the playground is indoors. They even have free newspapers to read. It's hard to go there without seeing somebody you know, which makes it sort of like a meeting place for kids and grown-ups. The kids go play in the fun house, and the adults sit around like an American version of a European cafe, except we "eet chikin" instead of canoli. Offering the kids options like fruit cups instead of fries makes you feel a little bit better about eating junk food too.

Date Night

195. This is my favorite restaurant of all. All the dishes are organic. The menu is eclectic. The wait staff is knowledgeable and professional. And the food rocks. I have to admit, however, that my wife doesn't like it as much as I do, because she has a very sensitive pallete when it comes to spice.

Chef Warren's. They're a little pricey, but their dishes are so unique that it's worth it. I had kangaroo with grits the other night. On a previous date, I ate elk medallions. If you're too squeamish to try something that exotic, I'm sure they also serve "chikin."

Outback Steakhouse. I only like to go to Outback for one reason. Bev Miles. Bev is one of the waitresses there, and she absolutely owns the place. We always ask to be seated in her area and are willing to wait longer to have that privilege. Bev has boundless energy, obviously loves her job, knows her product and truly cares about her clients. By the way, they have food there too. Next time you go to Outback, ask for Bev, and tell her Dan Askins sent you.

When Dan isn't busy stuffing his face, he sells real estate with Fore Properties. You can reach him at 910-528-7003 or Dan@DanAskins.com. Or just stand outside one of his favorite restaurants. Chances are good he'll be there.

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We say it all the time to our kids, to our parents and to each other. "good night, I love you", "see you later, I love you." Sometimes we say it to our friends. I remember a funny story Brian told me. As he was on the phone talking to his friend's wife, their conversation came to an end and she told him "ok I love you" (forgetting he was not her husband), awkward! My point is that it is three small words that, once worked into your life, become habit words.

Since autistic children tend to have speech delays, we mothers await anxiously for their first words. For some children it comes early, some much later in life and some mothers may never hear their children utter any words. For us, Scott was 5 years old when he began to talk. Once speech has developed, the second thing we anxiously await to hear are those three little words, "I love you."

Scott can say it. I remember how thrilled I was when he told me "I love you." It was not long before I realized that he did not understand what he was saying. To him, those words had no meaning. They had become habit words. It became his standard response when we told him "I love you." But that was ok! I had waited so long to hear him say those words I would have settled for anything that sounded close to those words. That was a year ago.

Today that all changed.

He was home sick today with what a lot of autistic children have frequently, another ear infection. The poor guy was in so much pain. But no matter how much he stuck his finger in his ear and no matter how much he cried, he refused to take his medication (another thing that he does not understand the meaning of). He does not understand that if he takes these purple pills, his 104 fever will feel better, or that if he takes these white pills his "OWIE" in his ear will go away.

After trying, unsuccessfully, to convince him to take those purple and white pills, I gave up and put a Barney DVD on for what I was hoping to be 5 minutes of peace. After about 30 minutes Scott came to me, pushed my arms down and said with such conviction "I love you mommy." And then sealed the deal with a kiss!

It was in that moment that I knew. He understands what those words mean. He understands it in his heart. No more are those "habit" words for him. From now on I know when I tell him "I love you" and he responds the same, I now know he means it!

 

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Breakfast is the best time for my family and I to go out, because it is usually cheaper, and my husband can always join us on the weekends.  This morning, we tried a new breakfast buffet we had heard about called "The Chompin' Ground."  If you like good Southern hospitality and good country cooking, this place is definitely for you.  They have a breakfast buffet that has every kind of breakfast meat, scrambled eggs (other types made to order if you want over easy or omelets), grits, hash browns, biscuits and gravy, pancakes and french toast.  Everything was wonderful and I loved the atmosphere.  It is located on Hwy 5 where the greek cafe used to be, in between Aberdeen and Pinehurst.  They also have a daily lunch buffet with fresh vegetables, fried chicken and seafood.  It is a great place to take kids and the people are very nice.

Check it out!!

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We have recently moved to the area and are looking to get my 9 yo back into her horseback riding lessons.  Does anyone have any information regarding locations that offer riding lessons? Thanks!

I just wanted to get the word out that there is a registered sex offender living right next to Sandhurst Park (corner of Indiana and Bethesda).  He may actually be in jail right now, but he is registered as living near the park.  Unfortunately, the law says they can not live with 1000 feet of schools or child care centers but there is nothing about parks.  So if you go to that park, keep a close eye on your kids and watch out for strange men.

You can find out more information by following this link to the NC Offender Registry.

I am getting so frustrated with not being able to find a child entertainer for a birthday party. It appears it is a dying art in this area.  If anyone knows of anybody that fits that need, please write to me with the information.

 

It seems that every "mom" website you go to or news about families is always focused on how we as women can be better mothers to our children and more efficient. I recently saw an article on MSN.com title "50 tips to for moms" dedicated to keeping us moms more organized and better at managing our families. Somehow, we as moms have bought into this idea that we aren't good enough as we are and we somehow need to improve ourselves in order to be quality parents.

For many years, I bought into the hype surrounding motherhood. I read books on how to be a "good" mom, join the "best" mom groups and watch parenting experts on TV all in an effort to be the "perfect" mom. Instead of being supermom, I was the just "good enough" mom who was slightly overweight, frazzled and usually sleep deprived. What I soon realized was that I was a "normal" mom and the "perfect" mom for my family with all of my quirks and flaws.

As a result of this new found realization, I gave up reading parenting books and comparing myself to other moms. I stopped trying to find ways to be the "best" and accepted "good enough". What I have learned is that even those "perfect" moms have their flaws they just may not be as obvious as some of mine.

But most of all, I gave up "MOM GUILT". I made a conscious decision to no longer feel bad about myself as a parent or for taking time to sometimes step away from being just mom and enjoy being "Rollie" for awhile. And this year, I took it a step further and decided to live a Year Without Guilt.

So what does that mean? Well, simply put, I will not allow Guilt to be my guide in 2008. This year, I will not feel bad about.......

• Locking the door when I go the bathroom for privacy.
• Putting a cartoon on the TV for the kids so I can fix dinner in peace and quiet.
• Going out with a few friends for an evening without little people.
• Taking time to take care of myself both physically and mentally.
• Driving through McDonald's for Happy Meals instead of cooking.
• Hiring a babysitter so I can go to the store without tantrums.
• Dropping my daughter off in the carpool lane instead of walking her to class.
• Spending time with my husband with a child in sight.

But most of all I won't feel guilty for the little mistakes I make along my journey in parenthood. Because believe it or not, I am more than a mom - I am also human.

So this year, throw the expert advice out the window, enjoy your life as a parent, accept who you are and live a Year Without Guilt!

 

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I wanted to post today about the acronym ADD/ADHD.

Since I am in the business of speaking with and working with families who have children with special needs, I see it far to often. You have seen it and may have even done it. A parent says that their chid has ADHD and eyes roll. WHY?

Many people, especialy those with children, feel that many parents use that acronym as an excuse. An excuse to put their kids on drugs because they can't control them. Some may have. But for the most part, not so true. Because of the chastizing that the general public displays about ADHD, many parents feel reluctant to say that their child has it, closing themselves off from needed support.

We have 3 children, 2 of which have a special need.

Our second child has Autism, diagnosed 4 years ago. He is moderately autistic, borderline severe. At almost 8 years old he is cognitively 2 or 3. However he is very smart and now has developed a sense of humor. He makes us laugh everyday. He has a severe speech delay and his potty training is coming along well. He walks on his toes almost exclusively and he chews everything. He goes through a lot of shirts. But aside from those autism things, for us his biggest issue is tantrums. Coming out of the blue and lasting for long peroids of time, until exhaustion. So you'd think I have a good understanding about "special needs."

Our oldest, 12 in June,  has always been difficult, moody and never thought about anything before she acted or spoke. I was having to keep on her daily about everything. I describe her brain as a hamster on a wheel. Constantly going, thinking, doing. She's a good kid. Very thoughtful of others. But all of her actions were holding her back. Her grades were slipping and the teachers were nearly fed up with her.

Still, even then, I was one of those judgemental people. I too rolled my eyes. But something was going on. It was time time that open my mind and look into the possibilites that was a reason.

She was diagnosed with ADD last year. I actually felt relieved to know that there was a reason why she would spend 10 minutes in the bathroom "brushing her teeth", only to find that she had not even turned the water on yet. Or why she had forgotten that she knew how to spell words she learned the year before.  

Yes she is on a medication. I am thankful for that because it has helped her tremendously. She is now an honor student. For her, the medication as given her the ability to think clearly, allowing herself to use her common sense. I am very proud of all of the hard work she has done!

I say ADD is a special need.  Some may not believe so because she is not in a wheel chair or because she is in an age appropriate class and it certainly is not autism. I am here to tell you that it is a special need. We spend as much time and energy with her as we do my autistic child. We still have to keep on her about getting her homework done or "yes you have wear your coat because it is 29 degrees outside."

Had I kept my mind closed to that diagnosis, my daughter for sure would not be doing as well as she is today.

I hope that I have given those who roll their eyes, another perspective. Please do not be so quick to judge, and ask if there is anything that you can do to help.

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I think it's the little things that get us through the day.  As moms, sometimes we forget about the little things and their significance. 
Who doesn't smile when you see your child's face light up when you get them out of bed each morning? 
What is sweeter than having your child (especially a sweet-smelling baby!) snuggle on your chest or lap and fall asleep? 
Who doesn't melt all over again when your significant other gives the kids a bath because he knows you've had a hard day?
It's the little things that make life worth living. 
What's a little thing that makes you smile?

www.sandhillsmommies.com

I went to the Friday night speaking engagement and I really enjoyed hearing Mr. Rosemond.  I found it really refreshing to hear someone say that I did not have to be so involved in my child's life in order to be a good parent and to set a good example for my daughters.  I often get caught in the trap of feeling guilty all the time because I work and go to school and I do not volunteer at my daughter's schools like many other parents do.  I try to know what is going on in their lives, but I am invariably shown up by many stay-at-home moms.  Don't get me wrong, I am all for being a stay-at-home mom.  I try not particpate in the "mommy wars".  It was refreshing to hear Mr. Rosemond tell us that we do not have to be so much of a part of our children's lives and that it is time for us to make them accountable for their own actions.  I love my children and I love spending time with them, but I also love my own life with personal interests, job and school and I feel like we need to remember that they are not everything we live for.  I think if we treat them as if they are everything we live for, we put an undue amount of pressure on them and make our own happiness their responsibility.  What I am saying might sound like sacriledge to many moms, but I actually enjoy working part of the day without my kids being there and talking about adult things and stimulating my mind.  For me, it keeps me sane and recharged and better equipped to deal with my husband and children. 

 I especially liked what he said about the husband and wife relationship and how that should be the highest priority and that the children should respect that.  I remember as a child knowing that my parents had a life other than me.  They generally left me responsible for many things on my own.  I would spend whole days in the yard until dinnertime, and like Mr. Rosemond said, we weren't allowed back in until then unless we broke a bone or were sick.  I think that many kids today don't have that kind of personal freedom because they are so sheltered and worried over and expected to achieve academically at astronomical rates.  It was also wonderful to hear that parenting should be a joint venture and that the responsibility is not all ours.  I usually bear most of the responsibility for parenting decisions and action because it seems like that is what is expected of us. 

I know that the world is a different place than what we or our parents grew up in, and I think that we really can't let our children have as much time outside alone or trust them to ride their bikes too far without keeping an eye on them.  But I think we can let them be responsible for their actions and let them make decisions.       

 So, starting today, I am going to relax.  I am not going to worry about whether or not my kids are doing enough afterschool activities.  I am going to stop freaking out about whether or not my children are the smartest they can be, and if I should hire a tutor so they can get ahead, or feel less than because someone else's kids are reading at a higher level than my child, or worry because India just did not like chess.  These might not be things that some of you moms worry about, but these are things that I have worried about incessantly.  I am not going to feel guilty and I am going to start paying more attention to my husband.  :)) 

My husband came with me to hear Mr. Rosemond and he really enjoyed what he said also.  We went out to dinner afterwards and talked for a while about things we needed to change and how we don't really spend enough time on us like we should.

 Thank you John Rosemond for the fresh advice and a point of view shift that I think many of us desperately needed.  

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