Day One - 109 Photos.

I laughed out loud: that was the name of the emailed file. In his first six hours, little Cooper had already scored more photographs than my shutter-neglected offspring will probably see this year.

And here's the kicker - Cooper isn't number one or even two, he's kid three!

So allow me to stop for a moment and give props, that is proper respect, to Coop's ‘rents for not adhering to the old standby: you know, hundreds of pictures of your firstborn and a few of the second. Heck, any kids after that are lucky to find a photo predating their first day of Kindergarten.

Though by week's end, I expect my friend's new little bundle of joy will exit the hospital ward like a hounded paparazzi darling, shielding himself from flashbulbs with his baby blanket before diving into a waiting limo - or minivan as the case may be. Another hapless victim of modern conveyance and convenience.

Yes, I blame technology.

Once upon a long lost time, say about ten years ago, film was an expensive, precious, and finite resource. For most events, you had twenty-four shots or less to get your picture right: a bar set way too high to assure success. Trust me, with a shelf full of family albums featuring timeless moments forever documented with half-closed eyes, turned heads, and open mouths, I speak from experience.

The purchase of my first digital camera freed me from the misery of scrapbooking yet another lousy photograph, or worse, developing print after print of the inside of my purse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know - put the lens cap back on! But that early digital, while handy, had a very limited memory.

Not that this was a bad thing.

Digital gadgets have evolved to store hundreds of images. Kids born into today's media savvy, digitally-mastered universe will have their every milestone documented and Photo Shopped to perfection. Red eyes, corrected; sky not blue enough, no problem; blurry image, delete.

It kind of makes me wonder about that iconic Kindergarten picture. Will they be so memorable if they aren't so inherently bad?

Mine reflects a tomboy's existence, with an overabundance of freckles on skinny bashed knees, straggly red hair, and a standard issue horrid school uniform. Maybe some historical revision is in order - get rid of the dress, straighten the hair, airbrush the knees and freckles...voila. On second thought, perhaps not: I'd probably end up looking like an Olsen twin.

Instead I think I'll just busy myself surfing my email - only 108 photos to go.

Laura Douglass writes for the Seven Lakes Times where this column originally appeared.

 

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This weekend, I got my copy of the Sandhills Kids new book!  It is GREAT.  I could not wait to look through it (and to find my name in it!).  It has even more stuff in it then I thought would be there!

You guys did such a GREAT job on it.  I am so proud of you and thrilled that you are showcasing our area! 

 I love it!!

Theresa :)

It's amazing to me, as I look at all the safety paraphernalia that my two girls have accumulated, how much we "protect" our children from everything. Somehow I survived childhood without the use of helmets, car seats or even seat belts. Riding in the back of daddy's pickup truck was a given, even on the highway. We use anti-bacterial soap, even though recent studies suggest it has a negative impact on "good" bacteria and almost no impact on "bad" bacteria. The Department of Social Services would take away my Daddy License if I allowed my kids to drink from a garden hose.

All that is to preface the fact that within the span of a few days, both my daughters sustained life-altering wounds while playing. Elizabeth, 9 years old, was riding her bike at a campsite on High Rock Lake. She is not the steadiest thing on two wheels, but seemed to be OK as I rode just ahead of her. As we started down a little hill that she had already travelled many times before, she all of a sudden lost control, of her mind, and splayed out on the asphalt, bruised and bewildered. It was nothing too serious, so I got her back on the bike and we rode back to our campsite to lick our wounds. The very next day, at 8 AM on Sunday morning, I was preparing breakfast, when a sleepy-eyed fellow came walking up to our campsite with Elizabeth in one arm and a crashed up bike in another. Her little basket was smashed and she had cuts and bruises on her nose and cheek, just below the left eye. As the report came in, I discovered that she had been on the same hill, and this time was fortunate enough to find a parked golf cart to run into, in lieu of that nasty pavement. We forgot to bring her helmet that weekend. After a little ice and some parental lovin', she was alright and even got back on the bike again, although never venturing near Killer Hill. Her new nickname is Elizabeth "Crash"kins, which she really likes.

The very next week, we decided to take a family walk down the street. We stopped at the corner, where a friend of mine owns a vacant rental house. In the front yard sat a pear tree pregnant with beautiful, bigger than my fist, pears. The girls immediately scurried up the tree and were happily playing as we talked to a friend who happened to be driving by. All of a sudden I heard a "I'm really hurt. Come now!!" kind of scream. It was Katherine, my 7 year old. She had fallen out of the tree and was holding her left arm, sobbing and screaming bloody murder. We got her back to the house and made a splint out of her soccer shin guards and an Ace bandage. After calling our friend who is an x-ray tech, we determined that waiting until the morning was the best option. The emergency room would just add to the misery, and they wouldn't be able to do anything until the swelling went down. It was probably broken, but not badly, so after stabilizing it, we medicated and got her in bed. After a very long and sleepless night, we got to the doctor's office, where they confirmed she had a small buckle fracture to the radius and would need a cast. Evidently some doctors don't even prescribe a cast for these types of fractures in children. Katherine's new nickname is "Cast"erine.

I guess we really can't protect our kids after all. After being scolded for "loose living and hard drinking", W.C. Fields, the early 1900s film star and comedian, reputedly remarked, "There'll be a lot of healthy people who get really mad when they die of nothing." While I am no hurry to see my daughters die, or even get hurt for that matter, I do tend to allow them to explore their limits. We have taught them some very basic things. They know about strangers. They know about playing in traffic. If the stick wiggles, it's not a stick. And if they forget to use anti-bacterial soap every now and then, we just let it ride. I think they'll be alright, and if they aren't, well there's always therapy.

When Dan isn't nursing some wound his daughters have sustained, he sells real estate with Fore Properties. You can reach him at 910-528-7003 or email: Dan@DanAskins.com.

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8:52 am: Three suitcases, backpacks stuffed with toys, a few bikes, two joyous children, and one sleep-deprived mother hit the road for one last Summer adventure.

8:55 am: Contorting to retrieve a spilled juice box, I narrowly avoid catastrophe as I pinball my way out Seven Lakes gates and point the minivan towards the Atlantic.

9:03 am: Passing an idyllic rural homestead populated with goats and chickens, I reconsider my choice of residence.

9:04 am: Waving to the sun-kissed farmer spreading fresh manure, I decide that life in the ‘burbs ain't so bad.   

9:15 am: Demonstrating uncanny diplomatic grace, I deftly negotiate a truce and my children agree which DVD movie they'll watch.

9:35 am: Losing interest in the movie, the kids resume kicking each other for entertainment.

9:40 am: Hoping a sugar rush will alleviate my headache, I hand out bowls of dry breakfast cereal.

9:41 am: A sweetened honey puff is launched past my head.

9:41:0004 am: Threatening to return home, I suggest an alternative vacation plan of spending the week cleaning up bedrooms.

9:42 am: Peace prevails for ten sacred minutes.

9:52 am: One hour, mark.

9:54 am: "Are we there yet? How much longer?"

9:55 am: "Hours! Mommy, how many minutes are in hours?"

9:59 am: "I dropped all my cereal on the floor. Can I have some more?"

10:01 am: "Jack ate my cereal!"

10:02 am: "Waah! Mommy, Jack hit me when I grabbed his bowl."

10:03 am: "Can we watch a movie?"

10:05 am: After another intense period of negotiation we settle on listening to a CD of "kids music."

10:10 am: "Can you play that song again?"

10:12 am: "Can you play that song again?"

10:14 am: "Can you play that song again?"

10:15 am: I decide that investing in two iPods, or at least liberating a few old Walkmans from storage is probably a wise parenting decision.

10:26 am: Pretending the car stereo is broken, I suggest we try a different CD to see if it works better.

10:28 am: The kids sniff out my plan to inject my music into the player and demand Hannah Montana.

10:31 am: I fantasize about ways to torture Billy Ray for creating this corporate pop rock drivel. I'll Achy Breaky your...Wait, hey that song she's singing is kind of catchy.

10:32 am: "Who would have thought that a girl like me could double as a superstar, yea, yea, oh, oh, oooh."

10:52 am: Two hours, mark.

10:59 am: "I'm hungry! I want lunch. Me too! Yeah, Mom, when are we gonna eaaaat!"

11:00 am: Assuring my children that somewhere ahead there must be a town of some sort, I silently pray to the hamburger gods.

11:03 am: "I'm so hungry! Mom, I'm starving to death. Look at my tummy, see?"

11:04 am: "I see a gas station. Mommy, let's eat there."

11:05 am: "Kids, we are not eating at a place called Uncle Buck's Truck & Pluck. I'm sure we'll see something soon."

11:32 am: Redemption dead ahead! Ah, nothing like the nutritious goodness of grease and salt at the drive-in window.

11:42 am: "I dropped my soda, Mommy. Wow, neat! It's making really cool bubbles on the floor!"

11:52 am: Three hours, mark.

11:54 am: Arriving at the ocean, I contemplate throwing myself in. I settle for a cool drink and decide to throw the kids in instead.

Yes indeed: nothing like a trip to the beach to relax and unwind.  

Laura Douglass writes for the Seven Lakes Times where this column originally appeared.

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Managing shared custody is the single most problematic issue brought to me by couples I coach.   Allow me to introduce THE SOLUTION to all of our problems in this area! The following program description is written by it's creator:

  
Coping with an ex-spouse after divorce is often difficult. Adding shared custody of children to the equation can further complicate an already stressful situation; for parents, stepparents and children alike.

Conflicts between co-parents are most often the result of a break down in communication, misunderstandings; misrepresentations and 'forced' face-to-face confrontations. Much of this can be overcome, if not entirely eliminated, through the use of a program called ShareKids.com, specifically designed to assist parents with shared child custody management.  
Safer than on-line banking, ShareKids.com provides a secure, internet based centralized data repository accessible only to authorized account members through three levels of security.

The program provides the infrastructure for managing information such as messaging and correspondence; appointments; events and activities; school information, class schedules and homework assignments; financial accounting for shared expenses and child/spousal support; medical insurance, medication schedules and prescription tracking; personal contacts (address books); rules (agreements or court orders); a certified un- changeable personal diary/incident log; photo albums; color coded shared custody and visitation schedules and much more.

  
Information such as events, contacts and photo albums may be marked as 'private', only to be viewed by the creator -or 'shared' so other account members may also view the information.

ShareKids.com also incorporates a global comprehensive 'Permissions' component to individually manage each account members' information viewing and editing privileges.

Countless parenting coordinators, mediators, guardian ad-litems and counselors are recommending the program as it provides a means to easily and remotely monitor their clients' communications and correspondence. More and more family courts are ordering parents to use ShareKids as they realize the positive effect the program can have on children usually caught in the middle of conflicting parents, and because it reduces the Family Court case load.  
ShareKids currently serves clients in all 50 states, Washinton D.C. and 20 other countries. The program is also utilized by many happily married families and military personnel due to its intuitive and easy to use family management, accounting, documenting, tracking and secure information sharing capabilities.

Evolving from educational and child care management software developed by the author in the early 80's, the ShareKids program continues to mature as new features are added regularly in response to specific requests and requirements of their clients.

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When Laura called me yesterday morning, it wasn't just to talk about our latest project but to let me know that they were officially evacuating her Gulfport. Unlike many of the families that were leaving, Laura's family wasn't there through Katrina. In fact, they arrived well after the area had started to revitalize. Although there was still remnants of the storm around them (like the tub in the front yard across the street) for the most part life had returned to normal.....that is until Friday.

As the storm approached, we've chatted about it and joked about her evacuating with the kids, photos, husband and of course her computer and heading north to my house. But until yesterday morning, it was just that - talk. So when she called me Saturday morning, I knew they had made the decision to leave. While we tried to wrap up as much of the project we were working as possible, Laura and her husband packed up photos, documents, birth certificates, clothes to last several months, food, water, toys, special mementos and valuables that would leave with them and all of it would have to fit in two cars. And although we chuckled about her friend's recommendation to put an axe in the attic with food (just in case) we knew that this was no joking matter.

Today they left early with a caravan off other families, mostly military since they are in the Navy. Many of these families have deployed husbands or service members that were required to stay behind to help with the aftermath of the storm.  Although each is hopeful that this will only be a few days of hanging out at a hotel and riding out the storm they will spend that entire time wondering what will be left when they returned.

As we were talking, I could hear her husband in the background shuffling about as he packed everything in plastic and moved it to higher ground. (During Katrina, their house had 7 feet of standing water.) I had to wonder what I would do in their situation. Would I be able to leave my house and memories behind knowing that none of it may not be their when I returned? And what if I wasn't allowed to go back, then what?

In many ways, Laura's situation is déjà vu for me. Three years ago, my good friend Dawn found herself in the mist of Hurricane Katrina. Her husband was in the Coast Guard and they were stationed right along the coastline. He stayed behind while she was forced to evacuate. This was not the first time they had been through this drill, but it was the only time that she taken all of her photos, scrapbooks and important documents. Within twenty four hours, that was all she had left. Although she and her husband were reunited several weeks after the storm, they lost everything the owned except for the things she had taken with her and the clothes on their backs.

I am hopeful this time that we have learned greatly from Katrina and have not taken Mother Nature's wrath for granted. Because of stories from Katrina, people are able to better prepare themselves and evacuate early. As Gustav approaches the coast, keep these families in your thoughts as they face another potentially devastating storm and pray for their safe return. 

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Friday & Saturday ONLY  - - - Huge summer clearance sale.  Summer inventory has to go to make room for fall & winter items.   Don't miss this one!!!!

940 Old US Hwy 1, S.

Southern Pines, NC 28387   ph:  910.246.1500

Store hours:  10:00-5:30 pm                                   VISA/MC accepted

CIS Aberdeen Elementary School FIRSTSCHOOL Garden and Fitness Trail Clean Up—Friday, September 5th, 2008, 8AM to 1PM. Please plan to join us and the United Way volunteers for a morning of work in the garden and on the fitness trail.

 

Acknowledging the differences between a biological family and a stepfamily is the first step in facing reality and building a truly happy family.

The Biological Family:

1. Related by blood, created by marriage, often followed by a baby.
2. Discipline evolves and form & norms are consistent.
3. Parents' ways are predictable to the child.
4. Parents back each other up.
5. Parents demand respect for the other parent.
6. Child wants to please both.
7. Child is bonded to both partners.
8. Family members' reactions are predictable.
9. Ugly fairy tales do not exist.
10. Competition is generally healthy.

 

The Stepfamily:

1. Related by marriage or living together. Formed out of first family break up and created out of the loss of the first family.
2. Little or no time for development of forms and norms and often no organized plan to make them.
3. Different backgrounds, ways of being and seeing the world can cause conflict.
4. "Who comes first--me or your child?" The new partner implores.
5. Partners DO NOT generally agree on discipline and expected behaviors.
6. The biological parent may side with the child over the partner.
7. The child often wants the stepparent to disappear
8. Unexpected reactions that jolt are normal.
9. Expectations turn out to be unreal and ugly fairy tales prevail.
10. Competition for attention can be dangerous to survival.

 

Step Is Not A Four Letter Word!

Just as it is clear that a stepfamily does not become a "real" family by calling it something other than step, the word should not be considered negative--it's just the plain truth! It's a description, not a bad name. After my stepson and I had lived together for a couple of years we used the term playfully. When telling a person outside our family a story about Nick, I would refer to him as "the evil stepson" with a wink. I was never his mother, I was his stepmother and that was a fact of life! Cinderella probably did a lot of damage to the image of stepmother, among other myths and misunderstandings that surround step relationships.

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Communities in Schools is hosting its second annual golf tournament, Fore Kids Sake on Aug. 26 at Pinehurst No. 8. Tournament is a best ball format with a 1 p.m. shotgun start. Registration is $200 per player and includes lunch, course beverage, prizes, awards and goody bag. Contact Andi Korte at 528-2173 or by e-mail at andikorte@yahoo.com.