stepfamilysuccess
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Directions Sound Simple - 2008/07/24 07:39
Growing a successful stepfamily is not as easy as growing a garden! With qualified help we can all succeed.
In order to maintain the original relationships in our family and foster the new, we have to respect those bonds and feelings. The parent who has visitation instead of custody is naturally feeling displaced and cheated as far as time spent with the children they no longer live with. If those feelings aren't validated and acknowledged, there will probably be some angry words spoken or some thoughtless actions taken. Words of understanding might be the sunshine needed to start the new and different relationship between the two parents who have divorced.
Treating the biological and stepchildren exactly the same, with exact rules and boundaries, consistent consequences and equal affection (even if you don't really feel it yet) will act like fertilizer to the new sibling relationships.
It takes 100 "good boy" exclamations to make up for one "bad boy." See if you can't find two or three "good job" remarks to say to each child every day. Those remarks will act like water on any flames that are threatening with the kids' feelings of jealousy or resentment.
If you and your new spouse have some baggage left over from your past (everyone does), get rid of it! Recognize it, claim it, and then weed it out. Everyone carries baggage from their past, including our kids, so have open discussions with everyone in the same room to help all of the family members get to the bottom of what the REAL problems are, pull them out of the ground, and throw them out like the weeds they are!
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