The Perfect Preschool 

One of the most complicated, thought provoking, anxiety creating decisions we face as parents is picking the right preschool. The prospect of sending your child away for the first time by themselves for the entire morning can be absolutely overwhelming. The pressure to make the right choice about your child’s education can make even the most sane person completely irrational.

I don’t say this because I think as moms we can’t handle making decisions for our children’s well-being. But as moms, we often put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be right all the time and don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes. And when we do, we become riddle with guilt and fear we have left our children scared for life.

Although I only have two children, I’ve made the preschool decision 5 times. As a military family, we’ve moved a lot and my oldest daughter attended preschool in three different states. So, when it was time to send my youngest child to preschool I thought the decision would be a piece of cake. After experiencing three unique preschool environments, I was sure I knew exacting what I was looking for. I wanted a school where Libby would socialize with children her age, work in a structure environment and be academically challenged. Pretty simple, right?

Initially, it was pretty simple to find a great preschool in Moore County that met these requirements. We’re fortunate to live in an area that has a wide selection of programs to choose from. So in January of 2006, I made sure I was first on the list for the “perfect” preschool’s open enrollment. I was positive that I had made the best choice for my child. When the fall finally rolled around, my husband and I took Libby to her first day of big kid school. At first, everything went smoothly. Libby enjoyed going to school and making new friends. Each day she would return with art projects and colored papers. She was very excited to finally have her “school” work proudly displayed on the refrigerator next to her sister’s. It almost seemed to perfect. And it was.

You see, Libby is what some people would describe as high-spirited. She is a child that is full of curiosity, boundless energy and pure spunk. Libby is passionate and absolutely fearless. However, she is not a child that  can be easily contained. She’s needs the freedom to make her own choices and express herself. As I quickly found out, these are not characteristics that go well with a very structured, academic environment. Within weeks of starting preschool, Libby’s behavior began to change. She was having problems in class following directions, sitting still and listening. This resulted in numerous time outs and even a phone call to come get my child. 

My first assumption was that she needed more time to adjust to a new school. As the weeks passed, she became more and more adamant about not wanting to go to school. Each morning’s drop off would be followed by tears. Eventually, she started identify herself as being a “bad” girl and not being able to do anything right. In a matter of weeks, my daughters self esteem had plummeted. What should have been a great experience for my child turned out to be something she dreaded each day. I had to accept that even though I picked a great preschool it was the wrong choice for her.

The decision to place her in a different preschool was extremely difficult. Many people questioned my judgment about removing her from an academic program and enrolling her in a preschool that was more play oriented. I began to fell that somehow I had failed her as a parent and found myself consumed with guilt. Luckily, my husband put it into perspective. He reminded me that it was only preschool and if this is the biggest mistake I ever make as parent than I am doing a fabulous job.

Since changing schools, Libby has returned to her old self. She excels at school and is learning just as much as a child in a more structured program. Each morning she is excited about seeing her friends and going to her new school. And the best part is she hasn't had a time out in months!  I've come to realize that this will not be the only mistake I make as a parent and that my children will survive these mistakes without requiring long term therapy. I’ve also learned to try to put things into perspective and remind myself that kids should be kids. I still believe that academics is important for their future but so is playing well with others.